Harry Potter Band
by Harkness of Darkness
Summary: Crack!Fic They say music is magical, and at Hogwarts, it is! WARNING: OOC-ness, general insanity, Gay!Wood for no particular reason. Not yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

**I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER! If I did, this would've happened. No joke. Plus, Harry would've died. **

**Warning: This is crack. Insanity abounds. It's set up to be little mini-drabbles in chapters, but that may change. If you have any ideas or requests for chapters in the future, please review!**

XxX

Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry is the most perfect place for young, untrained magical children. Starting at age eleven, these boys and girls take classes to control their untamed powers, such as Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Potions and more. They grow and learn for seven years, until their final year, when they are eighteen and adults. True wizards! They have many other courses as well, such as Astronomy and Advanced Writing. However, the most infamous class is one that includes teachers and students as equal, and is by audition only. The class that is two hours a day, five days a week. The class that is taught by the headmaster himself. The class that is the envy of every student. That class is the Advanced Symphonic Band, and this year the two of us made it.

******"**Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh..." Leigh found herself spewing nothingness for the remainder of the class period to her best friend. It was DADA, and she couldn't focus at all. In less than an hour, she would be playing in _the_band. _THE BAND!_There was no way she would calm down.****

**"**Geez, Leigh! Calm down! Professor Lupin will hear you and deduct house points. Not that less Ravenclaw points bothers me..." She grinned. As a Slytherin, she would love the ruin of fellow houses.****

**"**But he's _so_hot, I don't care if he yells at me!" A dreamy look appeared on her face. "He's so much better than..." she shuddered, "Lockhart." She seemed to think the overly-smiling man was a disgrace to her house.****

**"**Who's better than _Professor _Lockhart?" Lupin appeared next to the two, sending them in fitful giggles.****

**"**Um...she's just joking...Professor!" Lanie awkwardly filled.****

The bell went off. "Saved by the bell," Leigh whispered. She grinned flirtatiously at her Professor. "See you next hour, Lupin!" She ran off.****

**"**That's _professor _to you!" He sighed. _Girls these days._****

**"**Bye, professor!" Lanie grinned humorlessly and ran after her insane friend.

XxX

****Class began with a struggle of bodies in a small room for the acquisition of one's instruments. Lanie caught up with Leigh and scolded her as she grabbed onto her oboe case and Leigh pulled out her euphonium. "You really shouldn't talk to your professors like that, you'll get in trouble at some point."****

Leigh obviously didn't care. "Does it look like I care?" She laughed and headed to the round, open band room when the Headmaster Albus Dumbledore stood imperiously, yet kindly. "Welcome, all of you! Seating will be later, just find a seat and leave your instruments in their cases," was scrawled in large cursive on the whiteboard, most likely via magic.****

Lanie casually slid into a seat in the second row next to Leigh, who was almost on top of her 'dear bo', McLaggen. Lanie didn't care for him all that much, but kept most of her comments to herself. "Why can't we get our instruments out yet?" she whined. For all that she loved hearing her own voice, she cared even more about her euphonium, Euie.****

Dumbledore stepped up on his director's platform and spoke. When he did, the entire room suddenly was deathly silent: everyone respected the Headmaster extremely so. "Welcome, staff and talented students! All of you have earned yourselves a place here, in this, most honored band, and for that, I congratulate you. Now, I'm sure you are wondering why we're not simply starting up some wonderful sounds and enjoying ourselves to the fullest. That is because we are going to find our seats in a very professional manner. And _that _is because I think of all of you as adults, equals and fellow professionals. Please be patient over this next half hour or so, and let's all do this in an orderly manner."****

When his speech ended, a wildfire of quiet murmuring went through the band. Where they would sit would determine their fate for the rest of the year.****

**"**As you all recall," The Headmaster continued. "Your chair placements were by auditions, and your professors were given seniority. However, if you perform well unceasingly, you may compete for a higher chair, even if it is a teacher you are ahead of, and you are a student." There was a sudden stiffening of professor's backs, as if they had forgotten that they were genuinely considered equals with their students.****

**"**All of you, please stand up." Dumbledore stated, as opposed to asked. He did that a lot. When everyone did as he asked, he flicked his wand, "Your names are now on your chairs, as well as are your folder numbers. Please slowly find your seats and don't bump into anyone!" He smiled and whisked away to his office to do heaven-knows-what.****

Just before he closed his door, a raven-haired girl ran through the door. "I'm not late!" She announced to no one in particular. "Really, I'm not!"****

Dumbledore smiled at her. "You're Miss Blades, are you not?"****

**"**Kat," she stated.****

His smile became wry. "Alright, Kat. It's fine, your seat is over on the right. Please find it, I'll return to the class in a few moments." He closed his door and the hush on the room disappeared.****

**"**Where are you sitting, Leigh?" Lanie asked. She already knew where she was supposed to sit, and was a bit loathe to go there immediately.****

Leigh smiled, and suddenly Lanie decided she didn't really want to know. "Next to Cormie," she said a little too sweetly. The kind of sweetly that leads to a horrid stomach ache.****

Lanie gave up. No matter the situation, nothing was worse than Leigh in 'flirt' mode. Sometimes it was amusing in a stupid sort of way, but generally it was just irritating, or worse, sickening. It was pointless to try to understand her friend's mind, even if she claimed to be the only one that understood Leigh. She stopped putting off the inevitable and found her seat without looking for it. _Delaney Reese_was written on it in the same penmanship that was on the whiteboard. Underneath was _Oboe, Folder Six_. She didn't need to look, not really, since she had researched her folder and seat number weeks ago. Still, she studied it. It was better than staring at her section leader, something she did on a daily basis, from the back of the Potions classroom.****

**"**Hello, Miss Reese." The drawl that she loved and hated and tried to ignore _so much_decided to intrude her peace once again, this time from her direct right.****

Lanie did her best to smile. She would have to sit next to him for the year, so getting off on a bad start would leave her miserable for months, at least. "Good afternoon, Professor Snape." It wasn't as if she hated him, either. In fact, it was rather the opposite. Still, it was so hard for her to talk to him.****

**"**Do you have at least three reeds ready for today? I don't want you making the oboe section look bad," was the next thing he said.****

_Okay, never mind. I do hate him._She growled internally. Yes, Professor McGonagall had mentioned that it might be difficult to keep up with Snape, and that he would expect more than other section leaders. But he didn't have to go and say that! "Of course I have three reeds ready, sir," she fibbed. She had exactly one, but he didn't need to know that. Tonight would be full of reed shaving, apparently.****

He looked at her, scrutinizing. "Good. Now get prepared to tune to me." He somehow magically had his oboe out, and no other teacher or student did. Everyone else was talking or playing around, why did she have to start now? At her frustrated scowl, he scolded her. "Oboes take longer to warm up than other instruments. I expect you to be here ten minutes before class every day. I will tell your last teacher to let you out early."****

Man, he was hardcore. Lanie knew he was one of the best, but this would be intense. It was hard enough to concentrate in his class! Especially with that amazingly low voice of his... **  
**

After pulling out her own, less expensive oboe, she began playing a few notes. "No, you're flat!" He interrupted. He sighed. "You're supposed to soak the reed first." He paused, then stared down at her. "Please tell me you have a water container for your reeds."

******"**Um..." having neglected to bring her own, even though she owned one, she didn't know how to reply to that without sounding like more of an idiot.****

He sighed again, then handed her his own. "Soak it, for now. In two minutes it will be ready enough and we can tune."****

She took the little water-filled cup, embarrassed, and placed her reed inside it. She, again, stared at something else, anything else, so she didn't need to stare at her teacher. This time, she examined the room in a little more depth. There were a few music-related signs, posters and banners. One in particular was a little famous, as a previous Hogwarts director had left a blue-lettered banner that stated boldly, "Results Not Excuses". That director had been a genius, if a bit overzealous. A few of the flutists had sat down next to Lanie, and she smiled at them, but wasn't very concerned with meeting them. Not to mention, they had already formed their own groups and could only feel sorry for the poor oboist stuck with Nazi Snape.****

**"**It should be soaked well enough now." Lanie started, forgetting where she was. Then she turned, and found the words to be truthful. She removed the reed and placed it into the hole at the top of her oboe.

XxX

******"**_THAT'S FOUL PLAY, LOCKHART!"_Came a yell from across the room. It was James Potter; Gilderoy Lockhart had sent an Oblivious curse his way to try to steal first chair from Potter. Apparently that wasn't the first time this exchange had happened, however. Most of the students looked horrified, but the teachers couldn't care less.****

**"**Yeah! I thought you were a teacher! Don't be messing with my father!" Harry was livid. As third chair trumpet, just under Lockhart, he could see said scene better than anyone.****

**"**Oh, Harry. I wasn't messing with your father, I was just...trying out a new speedy-finger spell! It was supposed to help him!" Lockhart insisted. But Harry didn't miss the sideways glare over in his father's direction.****

**"**Liar! You were trying to curse him!" _I know from experience. Why on earth didn't they fire him after they returned his memory?_****

James sauntered over to his son. "Don't worry about him, Harry. This is my problem to solve, not yours." His voice lowered at 'problem'.

XxX

A girlish scream ripped through the air, right next to the trumpets. "Stop tickling me!" Leigh shrieked. She was sitting next to her dear, beautiful, lovely, perfect, god-like, Quidditch-playing boyfriend, McLaggen. She adored him. They had been dating for like, so long! A whole summer! They were so deeply in love. She could never imagine another day without him by her side.****

Cormac's face seemed to glitter as he spoke. "But you're so much fun to tickle, Leigh! Come here, give me a little kiss." He was the epitome of kindness of man.****

**"**Can you _please_stop flirting? I'm trying to warm up..." Neville tried to politely ask Leigh to refrain, but didn't get the response he was hoping for.****

**"**Shove it, Longbottom, she's my girlfriend. Go back to your scales and leave us alone." He heroically defended Leigh's love; she could only return it twofold as she kissed his cheeks in thanks and hugged him tightly.****

**"**I love you _so much_," she simpered. He was _so_perfect.

XxX

******"**Hey, dudes! Can you believe it? We're all in the band! _The band!_**" **Lee Jordan pumped his fist in the air, doing every effort to break the mile-thick ice layer between the percussionists.****

Crabbe stared at Lee disbelievingly. "Yeah." He wasn't much for small talk and couldn't understand the pointless energy that seemed to come from every pore in Lee's body.****

Zabini said nothing.****

**"**Come on, guys! It's the best honor you can get without being a post-grad! Why so glum? Aren't you excited?" Lee was worried that his year of percussion might not be quite as fun as he had envisioned.****

Crabbe was getting annoyed. What was wrong with this guy? He glared at Lee in all his Crabbe-glory-evilness...ness.****

**"**What? It's not that scary. I mean, yeah, I was nervous at first too, but it's-"****

**"**_Shut up, Jordan. Please. Now._**" **Lucius Malfoy, on bass, demanded quietly.

XxX

****Percy found his way into his seat rather quickly. The french horn is said to be one of the most difficult instruments to play, along with the oboe, and even if it didn't take as long to warm up as said oboe, it would take some time. He began with a few basic scales: Bb major, Eb major, C chromatic. After the three, a rather wide, and somewhat despicable woman put her posterior down on the seat next to him.****

**"**You, boy, how many years have you spent studying this instrument?" She demanded immediately.****

Percy, out of drilled response, answered immediately, "Nine years and seven months, ma'am." He wasn't sure he liked her all that much, but he had been taught to obey commands from superiors without question at the Ministry for the last two years.****

**"**Only nine years? Tsk. Well, that will have to do. I suppose a good boy like you knows how to listen to..." she slowly picked her words at the end, as if suddenly trying to be polite in a sickly, sweet way, "his elders. The Ministry teaches its pupils well. My name is Dolores Umbridge, Under Secretary to the Minister for Magic, and I hope we will get along this year." Her smile was disgusting.****

Percy decided he didn't like her at that moment.****

A significantly older, but still handsome man sidled in on the other side of Umbridge. "Dolores, stop picking on the kids." Lupin turned to Percy, purposefully looking over his exceptionally pink colleague. "Nice to see you again, Percy. Been doing well, I hope?" His usage of 'I hope' was so many times more likable than Umbridge's. He could try to calculate the number, but the zeros would be too many for his head at that moment.

XxX

****The trombone section was scattered around the room in various places. Colin Creevey was taking pictures of practically everyone, especially Harry and his father. Fred and George Weasley were pulling pranks on people they didn't like (Snape and Umbridge in particular) and getting House Points taken away from them by the dozen. Peter Pettigrew was scrambling about as a mouse, his new ability: he had spent the last six years learning how to change from a rat to a mouse.****

Like I said, the trombone section was scattered about the room.****

None of them enjoyed staying in the same place for very long, which tended to be a Hogwarts' trombone section tradition. They were also making just about as much noise as physically possible, another trombone section tradition, though I doubt that's just for Hogwarts.****

**"**Eeeekk! There's a mouse in my Euie!"****

**"**Stop that you fools! Ectoplasm is detrimental for the oboe reed! Forty points from Gryffindor!"****

**"**Colin! Not now, I'm trying to play my trumpet!" "Oh, Harry, don't be shy! Fame is a good thing! Especially in your youth! Let me in the picture, too!"****

Like I said, they were making just about as much noise as physically possible.

XxX

****The clarinet section was very disturbed and distracted about all the noise going around. It consisted of Hermione Granger, Quirinus Quirrell, and Ernie MacMillan as clarinets, and Trelawney and Moody as bass clarinets.****

In other words, the clarinet section is unnecessary.

XxX

******"**My father will hear about this!"

"Oh shut up, Malfoy," Kat snarled. She was putting her alto sax together trying to hide the obvious fact that she had a crush on the blonde haired boy next to her. She tried looking away from him but the other side was just as bad. There was an ex-con on tenor sax. _How could they even let him into this school_, she thought.

"You know I was found not guilty, right?" The long haired man asked rhetorically.

"Ummmm... yeah." _Oh crap I must have said that out loud._

"You did and you said that out loud too," Black confirmed.

_Maybe I should stop thinking,_Kat decided.

"Maybe you should, your thoughts are really loud," said Cedric who was already done putting together his enormous bari sax.

XxX

There were two tubas, Rubeus Hagrid and Gregory Goyle. They had their instruments out and were trying to outplay each other. Who ever got the lowest note won. Goyle went first and played the lowest note he could muster. When he finished he let out a "GOYLE RULES!" with one fist in the air. Now it was Hagrid's turn. He took one breath and played the lowest, most rumbling note that filled the space with vibrations. The whole room became silent and looked back at the tubas. "Woah," Goyle gasped.

XxX

The flutes, being ever so auspicious, already had their instruments out. Except for Luna, who's piccolo was still in its case because she was trying to make Professor Flitwick aware about Nargles and how they were making his brain fuzzy. Lilly Potter and Cho Chang were trying to tune to each other but neither could be successful. You know, because flutes are never in tune, even though they're the easiest instrument to tune.

XxX

****Oliver Wood found his seat almost too late because he had been finishing giving broom lessons to newbie Gryffindors. His section leader, Professor McGonagall was already there, sat down and halfway ready. She nodded at him politely, but didn't smile. McGonagall never smiles. True to the strictness of double-reed professionals, she added, "Make sure you do well again this year, Wood. I expect only the best from you."****

He replied with a distracted nod in her direction, but was more concerned with who the bassoons sit next to; the french horns. More specifically, the youngest member of the bassoons.****

**"**Hello, Wood! How has your summer been?" Percy asked, spiritedly. For some pointless reason the last chair french horn was positioned next to the last chair bassoonist, something that would never happen in a normal band. Wood had a feeling that Professor Dumbledore did that on purpose. Still, he wasn't complaining.****

**"**Alright. It's a g-good day for flying." Oliver did his best to speak correctly. It was more than a little difficult, and he remembered that McGonagall worked directly under Dumbledore. Maybe she picked up the signals, and told Dumbledore? That would explain it. Not that it made it any easier.****

Percy moved his head in just the way that made Oliver's heart beat an extra time. "Are you alright? You seem a bit...off today. You look flushed. Are you sick?" Percy just had to think in terms of science. There was no way he could possibly understand the feelings Oliver had, and if he did understand, he would flip.****

**"**Uh...yeah. I think I have a fever," he covered awkwardly.****

**"**No, you don't - I would be able to tell and would have sent you to the office earlier, Wood." McGonagall had a small smile on her face, and Oliver knew she knew. That conniving old woman! She would only smile if it were extremely amusing, after all.****

**"**Well...maybe because it's the beginning of this year's band, and it's making me nervous! Yes, that's it!" He excused himself again. McGonagall raised her eyebrows at that, but made no comment.****

**"**Is that so? I hope it is a good year, then." Percy smiled, and Oliver nearly had a heart attack. Dang that kid for being so cute! He just wanted to scream _I love you!,_but that would make Percy hate him, and that was the last thing he could take. Friends forever, and that would be all.

XxX

****Dumbledore knew that everything was in order, and it was time to start band. He sauntered over to the podium, and everyone went quiet again. "Hello again, all of you! I hope your summer was wonderful, and this year will be even better. Now, all of you should have met your section leaders and underclassmen. Please get along very well over the course of the next school year." He smiled. "Now onto business. Please get out your piece by Ticheli, it should be entitled _Joy_."

XxX

****After class, Lanie and Leigh left in two minds. Lanie was freaked out and shaken by her Head of House, while Leigh was still fawning over McLaggan. It was the usual.****

As they walked to their respective next classes, a rather...large Slytherin passed them. "What do you want, pussies?" Millicent Bulstrode glared at them.****

Leigh tried to compliment her. "I like your...eyebrow." She ended up giggling like crazy, running off, and Lanie did her best to catch up and send apologetic grimaces in Bulstrode's direction.

XxX

**I hope you like! This is the first in a set of...interesting chapters we have semi-planned. Yes, it's crack again. Anyways! R&R! Love you all!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

****Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley were being idiots as usual. The two of them found a way to access the flying books in the restricted section, and decided to let them loose. They said it was an homage towards Hagrid, but Lanie didn't buy that for a second.****

"How the hell do you deal with those two, Hermione?"****

"For the most part, I don't. But right now, I have to go clean up their mess." She left in a hurry, distraught at the library's state.****

A wild Leigh appeared. "Who's that pokemon?" Ash Ketchum asked. He was a Hufflepuff.****

"Leigh! There you are! Gosh, Gryffindors are so gay!"****

Leigh's ears perked at the word gay, not paying attention to her friend's pain. "Oh, speaking of gay Gryffindors, I heard Oliver Wood has a _crush_on Percy Weasley!"****

"Oooh, our dear Wood, huh?" Lanie found herself grinning from ear to ear, and the Slytherin gears in her mind churning automatically. "This could be fun. Wanna try a little prank?"****

Leigh, as a Ravenclaw, was extremely curious. "What kind of prank?"****

"You'll see."

XxX

****Oliver Wood was, naturally, out on the quidditch pitch getting ready for another game when the two psychopaths found him. "Hey, Wood! I wanted to know if you wanted to go on a double date with us? Percy and I are going, and Leigh needs a man." Lanie had her best poker face on, but was internally dying of laughter.****

Wood rode his broom down to where no one needed to yell. "I thought Leigh had a boyfriend," he asked, suspiciously.****

"Yeah, well, Cormie's out somewhere in...Thailand. I think. Or maybe Poland. I forgot. I need some loving!" She gave him her best flirting grin in a southern accent.****

Oliver had to take a minute to understand that he was actually being flirted with. By a girl. It had been a while. "Ah, oh. Yeah." He tried to talk after a moment of really awkward silence. "P-percy will be there, too? As a date? As...your date?"****

Lanie almost cracked at that. He looked so sad, like a puppy. It almost hurt making him sad. But it wasn't quite enough to top the humor of it all. So she continued on her Slytherin-ish plan.****

"Yeah. Her _date_. Or are you not a man enough to go on a date with such a cute girl?" Lanie baited.****

For a moment, Oliver couldn't decide. But then the desire to hang out with Percy for whatever reason took over and he agreed. "Yeah, sure. When and where?"****

"This Saturday, six thirty, Three Broomsticks. You're paying!" Leigh grinned and the two ran off, giggling. Again.

XxX

****Potions class, for some very odd reason, decided to have dual classes with Ravenclaw and Slytherin, having something to do with the prat Gryffindors getting special treatment and no school that day. So, the insane duo got to work together on making Lanie's amazing potions and trying to salvage Leigh's.

"So, how's your crush on Snape coming along?" Leigh asked to a furious Lanie.

"It's not a crush! My feelings for him are admiration, a little bit of hate and..."

"Fear?"

"Yes. Lots of fear."

**"**Who's in fear of whom, ladies?" Snape interrupted, cynically.****

"No one!" Lanie freaked, failing to cover, and Snape noticed.****

"Detention for lying, Miss Reese. Saturday night, eight o'clock, here in the dungeons. You better be ready to make potions all night." He glared.****

"B-b-but! I wasn't lying!"****

"Another two hours. You can sleep in Sunday." He walked away.****

"Hey, Snivellus!" Leigh taunted.****

"_Forty points from Ravenclaw and three day's detention!"_****

"Eh?! But I just wanted to-"****

Snape suddenly appeared right close to her face. "Don't you _dare_call me that again. If I find out where you heard that from, that person will _die_. Understood?"****

Leigh squeaked out, "Yes, sir!" After Snape left, she glared at Lanie. "You owe me for that. So bad."

XxX

****The girls arrived first both wearing dresses they had gotten during the summer. Lanie was sickened by the idea of wearing such clothing, but her dear friend forced her to. Using cruel and unusual ways. Such as blackmail.****

"This is disgusting." She complained to no one in particular.****

"Oh, shut up! You need to look hot for our date!" Leigh's smile was larger than usual, which was disturbing. She was _so_excited about this.****

"I don't care _what_I look like!" Lanie's vein on her forehead pulsed from sheer irritation. "And it's not _our_date, it's _their_date."****

"True!"' Leigh giggled disturbingly. She was was having WAY too much fun with this.****

The Three Broomsticks was mostly empty, except for a dwarf, and a couple who appeared to be half-dragon...or perhaps just half-troll. Leigh ordered a butterbeer, while Lanie ordered a firewhiskey, because apparently no one cared that she's underage. Her comment on that; "I'm gonna need it, desperately, in about ten minutes."****

Oliver was extremely anxious as he walked into said cafe. He was going to go on a double date. With Percy! Well, not exactly _with_Percy, just with the girls and Percy...there. Still! Just talking to Percy made him jittery inside, with the little stomach butterflies - the whole bit. He smiled casually - or the closest thing he could make to casually - at the two girls. About a half a minute later, he wished he'd gone with Lanie.****

"So, Wood? Can I come over sometime and _ride _your _broomstick_?" She asked suggestively, closing the distance between their bodies. Oliver was scared witless. This girl was...simply disturbing. That was the only definition for her.****

"Um, that's..." he tried to politely shove her away, looking towards Lanie for help. Lanie was, however, too drunk to care. She simply laughed at Wood, taunting, "it's your fault for agreeing, ya know. Don' worry, though, Percy'll come'n save ya soon enough."****

"Oh before we forget me and...Lanie and I, have detention tonight so at about 7:30 we have to leave," said Leigh giggling. ****

"Detention. But Leigh, you never get detention," said Percy sarcastically as he had walked up to the table.****

"Percy's late as usssual," Lanie slurred.****

"And you're drunk, as usual," he retorted.

"_Ohhh, _is that how this is going to go down?" Lanie threatened, mocking. She was generally sarcastic, but alcohol made her cruel.

**"**Ah, yes, m'dear, that is how," Percy smirked.****

"Uhm, do you want something to drink, Percy?" Oliver interrupted, trying to stop the fighting through distraction.****

"I'd love another butterbear, Ollie-bear," Leigh giggled. She was his date after all, and figured she should be asked first but knew the reason for his asking Percy. ****

"And _I _would like another firewiskey, if we're all buying drinks. Madame Rosemerta," she called to the lady who owned the Three Broomsticks.****

"I'm surprised they don't cut you off, Delaney," Percy mused.****

"This's the on'y place they dun kick me out. Rosemerta's my friend," she looked at them lazily, some odd secret in her eyes.****

"You know Snape isn't gonna be to happy if you show up to detention drunk, Lanie," Leigh was trying to be serious but her friend was just too drunk.****

"Duh. Shnape's the _reason_I get drunk." She grinned shamelessly. "And Percy, if you ever call me that again, you will have a lot more to worry about than me getting kicked out."****

"Why _did_you get detention?" Oliver asked, trying to change the conversation once again. ****

"Long story," Leigh answered grouchily. ****

"Not really," Lanie added. "We jus' dun wanna talk about it. Speaking of speaking," she chuckled at her own drunk-happy joke, "you two can speak all you want. But Leigh and I haveta leave in a couplea minutes."****

"No we don't...?" Leigh added, confused.****

Lanie smiled blandly at her. "Yeah, we do. So I c'n get me sobered up. I really dun wanna get Shnapey-slaughtered." It was true; even in her drunken state, she knew the horrors of an angry Snape, and wasn't planning on facing the wrath. It wasn't really hard to get the alcohol out, it would just take a few minutes and a little bit of illegal magic that she had discovered with the twins. "C'mon Leigh..." she grabbed the sleeve of her best friend and dragged her out the door.****

Down in the Slytherin common room (which Leigh was disturbingly used to; she had been snuck in on many an occasion, so much so that no one cared anymore) Lanie showed Leigh her "cure" for drunkenness, which was a tiny bottle that shot miniature fireworks out when opened. "Is'a potion the twins and I concocted," she explained simply, still with a bit of a slur.****

"Alright then, just drink it. And I know, I was there when you made it," Leigh muttered.****

Lanie did as she was instructed with a cocky smirk. The spark-spitting liquid slid down her throat in a big gulp and a smaller swallow. Her smile slowly drifted into a her normal half-frown that decorated most Slytherin's faces. "Tch. The aftereffect of being drunk, muggle or not. Headache..." she emphasized her pain with a hand rubbing her forehead. "And the cure-all, muggle or not; motrin." She pulled off the top of another tiny bottle, this one with her favorite painkillers and downed a few. She sighed. "Okay, we got time. Want to check on our boys' progress?"****

"Awww... but that means we have to go all the way back to Hogsmead," Leigh whined. If there was one thing Leigh hated most in the world it was walking. She loathed it. It was enough she had to walk from class to class but now her friend wanted her to walk all the way out of the castle. She could be so inconsiderate sometimes... ****

Lanie shrugged. "Whatever. They'll get on fine without us." And that was one statement no one was going to argue with.

XxX

****Well, perhaps Percy would argue with that. His date was missing, and he was stuck with Oliver. Not that hanging out with his best friend was such a bad thing, but it was sort of odd doing so at a table with lit candles and decent food.****

"So Percy, h-how's l-life," Oliver didn't know what to say. The love of his life was sitting across the table from him. He wanted to slap himself for what he just said. He was so sure of himself in every other situation but when it came to Percy his heart fluttered and he always stuttered. Why did this have to be so hard?

"Uh." _How's life did he really just ask that,_Percy thought to himself. Percy saw the boy every day and he asked how his life was. He thought maybe he should tell him that it sucked that everyday he had people yelling at him left and right. That nobody liked him, except for Lanie, Oliver, and Percy's mother. Even Penelope had dumped him saying he was too stuck up. Maybe he needed to loosen up but it was probably too late. He was 19 without a girlfriend only thinking about himself and his own future. "It's okay, I guess," he decided to finally answer the boy. Why was Wood sweating so much maybe he was having a fever. "Are you okay?" Percy asked being ever so mindful. "You look like you're coming down with something, you should go visit Madame Pomfrey." That seemed to make the other boy even more red in the face.

"Oh, I'm fine," Oliver answered. _He's so considerate,_Oliver thought to himself. Why was Percy so attractive to Oliver? He didn't know. Maybe it was when Oliver needed someone to talk to, Percy would always listen. Or maybe it was the way his ginger hair shined in the sunshine. Or maybe he really wasn't attracted to him at all and made the whole thing up in his head. But that was silly! His heart pounded when Percy came in the room, when he touched him he felt like flying, when he talked to him he couldn't even describe the feelings.

"Really, because you don't look fine," Percy replied.

"I guess I was just nervous for the date. It's been awhile since I've been on a date," _with a girl. _That was not saying Oliver was gay for many men. But he did, once and awhile, fancy a drink with the occasional gent. Not that he would ever call them dates. So really he wasn't lying to Percy, which he would feel terrible doing, it was he didn't want to come straight out of the closet to his best friend. He figured Percy was a homophobe for the mean comments about someone being "gay", as in stupid or disgusting to anyone with homosexual tendencies.

"I wouldn't really consider it a date, seeing as our dates have left us." Percy was a realist with pessimistic qualities, he didn't hope for the best and saw things as they were. He didn't care if was sunny tomorrow as long as it was not rainy today. "Well, I have a rather long paper to write for tomorrow. So I better hit the road," Percy chuckled at his own joke and gave Oliver a small smile.

"A drink for the road?" Oliver asked.

"I think not. I want to have a sober mind."

Oliver, disappointed, looked at the floor and said, "Alright. Well, I had better get going too. It's a hard job teaching first years how to fly and play quidditch."

Percy laughed, "I bet." He smiled grabbed his coat and walked out the door.

"I love you," Oliver whispered as Percy exited the pub.

XxX

Meanwhile, in the dungeon. "Are you ready yet?" Leigh whined. What was taking Lanie so long to get ready? It was just detention, and Leigh was the one infamous for taking forever to get ready.

"Yeah, yeah, I just needed to..." Lanie's voice trailed off into the distance for a moment. She came back into view to finish her sentence. "Just needed to get a few things, that's all." All noticeable features of drunkenness were gone. She had applied just the right makeup to make her look normal and totally sober. "Sorry about that."

"Ugh, I can't believe I got detention for you. I was doing good. I haven't gotten a detention for a month and now I have three," Leigh was still whining. She was not happy. Especially since it was with Snape out of all the teachers Snape had be her second least favorite teacher, with Lockhart being her least favorite. It wasn't that she despised Snape it was just that he wasn't hot, like Sirius, or Remus, or even sometimes James. He wasn't even funny. Whenever Leigh tried to flirt with him, Snape would just scowl, and he would either give Leigh detention or take points away from her house.

Snape detention was, of course, something near evil. He forced them to extract flobberworm mucus out and put it in tiny vials, without magic, yet without "fingersmearing" it, as Snape enjoyed reminding them. As if their mere touch ruined things.

The two survived, barely. Snape managed to make himself lower in their minds, if it were possible. But when he left them alone for ten minutes to do...something (probably something disturbingly evil), Leigh had decided it was time to spruce up the potions classroom. She had managed to bring in some disturbingly pink flowers, sparkly rainbow feather boas and colorful streamers. She then decided to run around the classroom and hang the boas and streamers on everything she could find. She then shot off a confetti gun she had brought, spraying confetti everywhere. She knew it would give her more detentions, but she didn't care; the classroom was too boring. Leigh then brought out the finishing touch; a large and rather expensive-looking (even though it wasn't) golden statue in Snape's likeness, standing in a ballerina position. Tutu and all. She then decided to go back helping Lanie with work and patiently waited for Snape's arrival.

But Snape never arrived and it was time to go back to their dorms. Leigh wasn't excited about walking all the way back to the Ravenclaw common room which was almost all the way across the castle in a tower. So, she tried to con Lanie into walking with her. But it was in vain for Lanie still had a lot of homework to work on. So the two girls walked to the Slytherin common room where outside they ran into Millicent Bulstrode. Millicent gave them a glare.

****Leigh though being her usual self decided she would give Millicent a compliment to brighten her usually dull persona. "Hey, Millicent, I like your..." she looked for something. "Your..." She couldn't seem to find anything nice to say. When she noticed hair on the other girls upper lip. "Your... squirrel." quoting a popular American muggle tv show that her muggle cousins had been watching one time when she had went to their house. She then proceeded to run off through the hallway giggling loudly.


End file.
